I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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