you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
