You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
