he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize