Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
