wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
