I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
