I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
