He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my poor anus
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
