good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
