We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
