She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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