Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
