I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
