So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
