i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
