Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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