Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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