are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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