I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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