Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize