Plan B is the new Plan A
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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