she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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