taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
