Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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