I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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