I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize