Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
