If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
