Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
