I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
