ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
