Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
