When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
