Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
