I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
