She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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