i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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