we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
