how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
