Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
