Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
