I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
