I feel like abortions should bother me more
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
