i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
