Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
