its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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