Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
