I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
