Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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