I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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