it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
there is glitter all over my balls
I currently don't understand fingers.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
