It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
there is puke in my bra ... again
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