I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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