i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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