I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
