the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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