So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
