My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
