she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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