can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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