If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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