hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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