I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
