she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
