i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize